On Learning, Traveling, and once again...Trust (or 'Why I am going to Africa')

This is long. I'm sorry. You will probably need to set aside a full 5-10 minutes for this. If you don't have time, a 20-second version resides at the bottom of this post.

some time ago (my computer tells me March 16, 2009), I started a blog entry:

Ever since I made my decision to go to Germany, I've been getting increasingly excited about what it would bring. The fear or uncertainties that I initially had been feeling soon succumbed to dreams of all the adventures that something like this would surely bring. I started thinking about all the people I would visit while over there, the incredible work experience it would be (and yes, how it would look so super good on my resume), and the chance to live with a bunch of other students and just see what happens. Yes indeed, Germany was going to be good.

About ten days ago my co-op coordinator left a message on my phone to let me know he had some urgent news and that I should come to his office as soon as possible. A bit perplexed (I thought it might be some visa deadline that had slipped by, perhaps?) I headed there after class. When I saw his face, it clued in. And like I thought, he had called me in to tell me that my job position had been pulled. I was stunned. In the co-op program, accepting a job offer is akin to a contract, and pulling out of it (on my part) would most likely result in expulsion from the program and an F on my transcript. I thought the position was a done deal. Usually it is. But LZH had lost funding on the project I was going to be working on (or something to that effect), and once again money became the deciding and unarguable factor.

After getting over my initial stunnedness, I was just pissed off. Pissed off, and confused.

Choosing to go hadn’t been a light decision. In fact, I had reservations about it, but I felt it was where God wanted me to go. I really felt that. Why would God dangle an opportunity as incredible as this one in front of me, tell me to go, get me excited for four weeks, and then pull it away? Many of us know the verse 'God works for the good of those who love him'. I had always believed that verse, but now I was faced with this seemingly paradox of having gone after something that I felt God wanted me to do, and now...having it pulled away. Was he messing with me? And why?

These are things I have been mulling over ever since. Truth was, I haven't really come up with a good answer. I have, however, realized that it doesn't really matter. I've been reminded of Job and how God answered him very simply - do you have any idea of what my plan is, or have any right to question what I'm doing? It always seemed to me to be the easy way out of an intellectual stalemate - but, well...it's true. God's up there; I'm down here. God does have a plan for our lives, but loves us enough to not enforce it on us - and that means somethings don't always go as planned. Shit happens. And God works with that.

Maybe I'll be fortunate enough to see how God is working in that in the near future. Maybe I won't see a reason for it until several years down the road. Maybe I'll never see a reason. Maybe it's going to require a little trust on my part. Ah, TRUST. There it is again. Reoccurring theme? Mm-hm.

And at about this point I stopped writing, most likely distracted by far more urgent things like…studying for a test. Then a few weeks later:

So what's happening with my summer (which is now, oh so close)? I have no idea. I'm still applying for the (few) co-op jobs left, but the prospects aren't looking terribly good. It was when I realized this a few weeks ago...that I realized the window of opportunity that was opening itself.

Ever since returning from Mexico last year (if you desire even more lengthy reading material, scroll down a few posts) I have wanted to serve on a longer-term missions trip (i.e. more than ten days), but I knew my co-op schedule had me all tied up for at least several years. So I resigned myself to just having to wait until I graduated - a decision made no easier by the fact that my brother has been in Africa these last six months.

I've been getting increasingly restless this last year - I thought Germany was the answer. Turns out something bigger and better might be the answer. And so I've started looking at missions opportunities that I could get involved with this summer. And things have been falling into place - my entire summer is free, I received a large sum of money from an insurance claim that virtually covers any expenses I might have, and now, whereas a few months ago I wanted nothing but a nice 9-5 job in town so I could just hang out all summer long – now I wanted nothing more than to get out of town for the summer. Truth is, after having been told that your going to Germany for eight months, any job in town (no matter what it is) seems pretty lame in comparison.

And now we’re in the present:

*okay guys, there are a lot of things here – bear with me as I try to explain it. This is one of the cool things about this whole...thing – the seeds were planted years ago.

Okay, first of all, my church (West Coast Christian Fellowship – which, if I can just throw in a shameless plug, happens to be an AMAZING church if you are ever looking for one to visit, or better yet, join…) is part of a larger organization called Salt & Light Ministries, which is composed of a family of churches worldwide that are related through various relationships between the churches (i.e. pastors who know each other, churches that have been planted, etc…and Barney Coombs, the founder, who happens to know everyone). So there is this church in Burundi, as well as a school, which is part of Salt & Light. Ray Bale (a Canadian), the head missionary there, had gotten to know a pastor in the High Plateau of the Congo called Rueben. The High Plateau (as I understand it) is about six hours from the Burundi/Congo border. The people there live in relative isolation, with no electricity (and to my knowledge, no running water). They farm the fertile hills and carry their crops the half-day journey to the nearest market to sell.

A year later, Rueben’s son David had to get critical eye surgery done, and our church sponsored him to come and get it done by some specialist in Canada who offered his services for free. So in January 2008 both Rueben and David came to Vancouver for several months. They stayed at our pastor’s house, during which our pastor (Dave) spent many evenings talking with Rueben and learning about the situation in the Congo. God put this tribe on Dave’s heart, and long after Rueben and David left he felt that something was connecting our church to this tribe in the Congo.

So in March of this year Dave went to the Congo on an exploratory trip, and upon his return he shared a slideshow and his experiences he had while he was there. This was a few weeks after my job offer in Germany got rescinded, and, faced with the sheer lack of jobs around (even now, only about 25% of my class have found jobs), this was when I started thinking about taking the summer off and heading into the missions field instead.

But Dave continued…now, there happens to be a young engineer called Tristan in our church who was in Dave’s house group when Rueben was in town. Tristan also spent many evenings around the kitchen table with Dave and Rueben, and upon going to Sweden to do a Masters in Sustainable Engineering, committed to studying and hopefully developing some form of a run-of-the-river hydro-electric project for Rueben’s tribe as his thesis project.

As Dave shared this and other things, my heart felt a tug. Maybe this was what was in store for me this summer? And so after some pondering, I shared with Dave my situation and my hope that maybe I could go this summer and help out with Tristan’s work?

Dave (and Tristan) were both surprised by my email, as they knew I was on co-op and was supposed to be working. Turns out, I had already been on Tristan’s mind and how I may be a help to this project, but aware of my co-op status, he didn’t really think it could work out and so just laid it in front of God for the time being. This was way back in October.

And so, as quickly became evident, this is much bigger than myself. In fact, this whole trip is WAY bigger than myself. Things kept falling into place, and this week I got confirmation, that yes, everything is a green light – I’m going to Africa.

So, details. Hm…not a whole lot of those yet. Tristan is still not sure what his plans for the summer are, and if he has the funds to come this summer or if he’ll go in January. This obviously effects what I’ll be doing on the project, so that is still up in the air. In all likelihood I’ll be staying with Ray and his wife in Burundi, making the occasional trip into the Congo to work on whatever needs to be done, and spend the rest of the time in Burundi helping out. There are some construction projects underway, there is probably opportunity in the school to help out, my photography might come in handy at some point, there’s a team from Ireland coming the beginning of August with which I can probably work…it appears that there is plenty of stuff to do – and none of it is certain.

Ah yes, uncertainty. Don’t we all love it? If anything, it is the single most important variable that the world is constantly trying to minimize (hm, interesting. I just thought that up now. Might require some deeper thought. Ask me about it sometime). Uncertainty implies not having control, and people – no, make that I – like control. Like certainty. Like to know what is coming ahead so I can prepare for it.

Not much of that here…and if you’ve been seeing the trend lately, you know what that is bringing me to.

Trust.

God is making sure I get it. In fact, he’s slapping me across the face with it pretty vigorously at the moment. I have always been a pretty capable person – I could handle myself in school, at work, wherever I happened to be. For much of my life (when I had OCD being the big exception) I have had no need to rely on others. And this, obviously, can lead to character traits that aren’t terribly useful to God, like an inability to ask for help, or a refusal to accept you’re wrong, or…arrogance, or pride (actually, on second thought, it all boils down to pride. Something else that requires deeper thought. Ask me about it sometime). And the minute a person feels they don’t need to rely on God, they’re hooped.

So I’m learning about trust right now. Not a new thing in my life (OCD got me well acquainted with the idea of trusting in God), but perhaps God sees it fit that I take a refresher course. Actually, I have the feeling that he wants me to take a full course load in servanthood, praying, brokenness (ask me about that), being available, patience, discerning his voice, and…maybe a second course in trust for good measure.

Interesting story. Two weeks ago as I was mulling over some stuff I had learned at Salt & Light’s leadership conference (for Western North America) – a whole story unto itself – I was flipping through my journal and came upon a word that had been given to me at last year’s men’s retreat, almost a year ago. Only one word, actually. TRUST. Hey, what’s that? You trying to tell me something, God?

I will be leaving sometime early July, spending two weeks in Europe visiting family and friends, and then heading down to Africa mid-July and staying there till the end of August. In the meantime, I’m having a great time just chilling. I’ll probably head up to Barnabas for a few weeks to help out, then spend a few weeks in town to get things for Africa sorted out, get a chance to see some people, do some things I’ve been planning on doing all year…that kind of thing. Yo, if you want to hang out, there’s a good chance I’m free.


More details will (perhaps) come. I continue to covet your prayers, more than anything else.

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20-second version:

I lost my job in Germany due to funding cuts, haven’t found a job since and am now going to Africa. Not entirely sure what I’ll be doing there, other than I’ll be in Burundi and the Congo for six weeks in July and August. We’ll see how God uses me. Trust is once again a theme. Read the real blog to find out more.