~
I leave Giebelstadt tomorrow for Amsterdam. Wednesday morning I fly out.
A rich five days. It has been a bit of a time warp – one kind of steps back into the old routine of life here. We’ve been roofing the barn. I love construction work. There is something incredibly satisfying about it.
My favorite times at the Pabsts have always been mealtimes. This time has been no exception. The Pabst family is known for their tendency to stay at the table long after the meal is over. Conversation is lively around here. Fast. Heated, often. Jokes are plentiful. Laughter, equally so. The fact that this takes place in German makes it twice as good – any language has its particular way of saying things. In foreign languages even normal conversation becomes a beautiful thing.
They feel like a second family.
This is idle banter. I had been planning to write about something completely different. Something that hasn’t completely formed itself in my mind yet, and will probably develop for a good while longer. It hit me while I was having a long, quality chat with one of my German brothers a few days ago. We were talking about the last two years, marveling at how God had brought things about and the many blessings we were seeing in our lives. Jonathan was telling me about the last few months and how he had been learning so much about God lately, after recently becoming single again, and about his desire to keep pushing for more in his relationship with God. And it was then that I was able to solidify what had been unconsciously churning about in my mind for the last few weeks. That is, in short, that I have been neglecting my personal relationship with God in favor of relationships with people.
The last few years of my life have been pretty incredible. God brought a lot of people into my life. Good people. First here in Germany, then at Barnabas (a camp I worked at), and now also in UCM (a Christian group at UBC, where I study). Community is a passion of mine. In fact, probably my biggest one. I love watching relationships grow, and people coming together and building each other up. I love long conversations. I love working together with others. I love building, and watching, and being community. And it’s heavily emphasized in the Scriptures – the New Testament is stuffed with verses talking about it. In fact, if there are two things that are the essence of Christianity, I’d say it’s our relationships with people and our relationship with God.
Except it’s the other way round. If I read the scriptures correctly, my relationship with God comes before my relationships with people. And that’s where I’ve sensed an imbalance in my life that has slowly crept in over the last year(s?). In my drive to develop deep, meaningful relationships (and in my success at doing so), I have neglected my own personal relationship with God. Godly community had started to become the substitute for God himself.
And this has started to make me ineffective in God’s hand. My addiction to community (a strong way to put it, but we’ll stick with it) became startlingly clear while I was traveling in Switzerland. In the midst of visiting all my relatives and doing other awesome stuff (like touring a nuclear power station, or sightseeing in Geneva, or checking out a huge jazz festival) I found myself thinking a lot about community back home (particularly Barnabas, where I just had spent several fabulous weeks) – and even wishing I was back there. And while half my brain was thinking this, the other half is shouting, “HELLO! You’re in freaking Switzerland, what on Earth are you feeing sorry for yourself for?” And despite the absurdity of it all being clear to me, the other half of my brain was often stronger, keeping me from fully enjoying my time, and often struggling to be present with the people I was visiting.
And so the imbalance has become clear to me. A solider on the battlefield is no good when he is daydreaming about life at home, and If I’m to be effective in Africa (and what the heck, the rest of my life) I had better be listening to and understanding the general instead of relying on my fellow soldiers. And when I’m in tune with God, I can be more effective when fighting alongside them, because we all know what we’re doing.
I hope you don’t read into this too much. I have no intentions of living the rest of my life alone in a monastery. This is much more a change of perspective than some radical change in the way I live my life. And I once again am encountering difficulty in properly capturing my thoughts on paper – I am reading CS Lewis right now. Being able to explain things like him would be a wonderful skill. But he probably doesn’t work at 2 in the morning either.
This topic will likely make several more appearances.
A rich five days. It has been a bit of a time warp – one kind of steps back into the old routine of life here. We’ve been roofing the barn. I love construction work. There is something incredibly satisfying about it.
My favorite times at the Pabsts have always been mealtimes. This time has been no exception. The Pabst family is known for their tendency to stay at the table long after the meal is over. Conversation is lively around here. Fast. Heated, often. Jokes are plentiful. Laughter, equally so. The fact that this takes place in German makes it twice as good – any language has its particular way of saying things. In foreign languages even normal conversation becomes a beautiful thing.
They feel like a second family.
This is idle banter. I had been planning to write about something completely different. Something that hasn’t completely formed itself in my mind yet, and will probably develop for a good while longer. It hit me while I was having a long, quality chat with one of my German brothers a few days ago. We were talking about the last two years, marveling at how God had brought things about and the many blessings we were seeing in our lives. Jonathan was telling me about the last few months and how he had been learning so much about God lately, after recently becoming single again, and about his desire to keep pushing for more in his relationship with God. And it was then that I was able to solidify what had been unconsciously churning about in my mind for the last few weeks. That is, in short, that I have been neglecting my personal relationship with God in favor of relationships with people.
The last few years of my life have been pretty incredible. God brought a lot of people into my life. Good people. First here in Germany, then at Barnabas (a camp I worked at), and now also in UCM (a Christian group at UBC, where I study). Community is a passion of mine. In fact, probably my biggest one. I love watching relationships grow, and people coming together and building each other up. I love long conversations. I love working together with others. I love building, and watching, and being community. And it’s heavily emphasized in the Scriptures – the New Testament is stuffed with verses talking about it. In fact, if there are two things that are the essence of Christianity, I’d say it’s our relationships with people and our relationship with God.
Except it’s the other way round. If I read the scriptures correctly, my relationship with God comes before my relationships with people. And that’s where I’ve sensed an imbalance in my life that has slowly crept in over the last year(s?). In my drive to develop deep, meaningful relationships (and in my success at doing so), I have neglected my own personal relationship with God. Godly community had started to become the substitute for God himself.
And this has started to make me ineffective in God’s hand. My addiction to community (a strong way to put it, but we’ll stick with it) became startlingly clear while I was traveling in Switzerland. In the midst of visiting all my relatives and doing other awesome stuff (like touring a nuclear power station, or sightseeing in Geneva, or checking out a huge jazz festival) I found myself thinking a lot about community back home (particularly Barnabas, where I just had spent several fabulous weeks) – and even wishing I was back there. And while half my brain was thinking this, the other half is shouting, “HELLO! You’re in freaking Switzerland, what on Earth are you feeing sorry for yourself for?” And despite the absurdity of it all being clear to me, the other half of my brain was often stronger, keeping me from fully enjoying my time, and often struggling to be present with the people I was visiting.
And so the imbalance has become clear to me. A solider on the battlefield is no good when he is daydreaming about life at home, and If I’m to be effective in Africa (and what the heck, the rest of my life) I had better be listening to and understanding the general instead of relying on my fellow soldiers. And when I’m in tune with God, I can be more effective when fighting alongside them, because we all know what we’re doing.
I hope you don’t read into this too much. I have no intentions of living the rest of my life alone in a monastery. This is much more a change of perspective than some radical change in the way I live my life. And I once again am encountering difficulty in properly capturing my thoughts on paper – I am reading CS Lewis right now. Being able to explain things like him would be a wonderful skill. But he probably doesn’t work at 2 in the morning either.
This topic will likely make several more appearances.
posted by thomassanz at
5:19 PM
1 Comments:
Great choice of a topic, Thomas. It's interesting to see how the view looks from the other side of the community pendulum when I'm still on the upswing. Look forward to seeing more of these posts.
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