Enjoy

I was going to post about my recent trip to Frankfurt to visit my Dad's cousin and his wife (and his graphic design studio), but I haven't finished editing the pictures yet. But, to keep you guys satisfied, here is a hilarious and somewhat macabre email that I received a while back:

(you can thank Bill Hoover for this one)


As Ron White often says : " You can't fix stupid." These
>people
>prove it is a terminal condition. As always, competition this year
>has been
>keen.
>
>
Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of
>water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate
>to
>retrieve his car keys.
>
> Seventh Place

> A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
>when he
>ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily
>run.
>
> Sixth Place
> Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole
>he had
>dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said
>Daniel
>Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and
>had been
>sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
>collapsed,
>burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the
>outer banks,
>used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a
>resident
>of Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
>using
>heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people
>looked on.
>Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>
> Fifth Place
> Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , A , as he fell
>face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
>burglarizing. Death
>was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
>keep his
>hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
>
> Fourth Place
> Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville , Del ,
>as he
>won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
>with four
>bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Third Place (My personal favorite!)
> The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in
>Washington ,
>DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of
>a
>previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
> 1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop
>specializing
>in handguns.
> 2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
> 3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a
>marked
>police patrol car parked at the front door.
> 4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter,
>having coffee
>before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced
>a
>hold-up, an d fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
>
> The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police
>officer
>with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by
>several
>customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and
>fired. The
>robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
>investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
>subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
>identified
>rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the
>exchange of
>fire.
>
> HONORABLE MENTION
> Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ,
>and his
>wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter- stick of dynamite blew
>up in
>their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
>dynamite
>and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but
>apparently
>failed to notice the window was closed.
>
> RUNNER UP: TACOMA , WA .
> Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one
>of them
>said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
>Narrows Bridge
>in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at
>least 10
>men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon
>arrival at the
>midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a
>bungee
>rope.
>
> Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed
>out that a
>coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was
>secured around
>Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
>lasted 40
>feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.
>He
>miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was
>rescued by
>two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, is that God was
>watching
>out for me on that night.
>
> There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was
>never
>located.

AND THE WINNER...
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany)
fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more
than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm
finally
let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give
the ailing
elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
"The
sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to
the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as
the
elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said
flabbergasted
Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him,
he lay
under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came
along, and
during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those
freak
accidents that proves... "Shit happens."